Life According to JewJewBee

i am so happy that i will never have to worry about another major library conference while i am pregnant or breastfeeding... i think NYLA just about killed me this year... i really enjoyed myself, at least, so that was something... but, really... i swear booboogoo saves up all her night wakings for when it will REALLY kick my butt, you know?!? don't really have much to say, but wanted to post a little something so people know i am still alive! later days...

I have called the girl a sleep terrorist before, and I will say it again... I swear that girl is just trying to kill me! She let me have a few more nights of glorious, uninterrupted sleep -- and then she went back to the "I want you to be with me all night" nonsense... I felt like I was going to need someone to drag me out of bed this morning, but I managed to get going without a kick in the ass, so, yay! I am fairly certain this is all to do with teething, since BooBooGoo just got her third tooth over the weekend -- but it already came through, so doesn't that mean last night should have been better instead of worse?!? Bah... Who knows, right? Later days...

A list of things that boggle my mind... I am not only someone's mom, but I am the mom of TWO someones... My first kid is in kindergarten... My second is nearly 8 months old... My husband and I have been married more than 9 years... We have been together more than 16 total... I am in my 30s... I have been out of high school for 13 years... Out of college for almost 8... And out of grad school almost 6... I have been at my current job for 6 years... I own a house... Strangers call me ma'am... And most people would refer to me as an adult without batting an eye... So, how is it that I feel like I am still a teenager? I swear, I feel like I am just playing house... It's so weird... But, the good news is that I am happy more often than I am not... I love my husband, my kids, and my career... I have a small group of close friends, even if they don't all live close by, and many of my close friends even fall under the category of co-workers... Not sure how it is that this all worked out so well... (Probably an accident of the cosmos!) Just know that I am feeling particularly amazed today... Yeah... Amazed is probably the best word for it! Later days...

personalizing...

trying to personalize this blog while finishing up everything around the house... guess it's good enough for now! later days...

Closing?!?

Well... It looks like Vox is closing up shop... I half-considered just ending my blog at this point, since I don't exactly post very often anymore, but I could not quite bring myself to quit yet... So, I took their advice and decided to export my Vox blog to a TypePad blog... My new blog will be at http://jewjewbee.typepad.com/blog/ ... That being said, I still may give up my personal blog after all... Who knows? Maybe, I will eventually have enough time to post enough again to make it seem worth keeping a blog! Until I have more time to think on it, though, this is where you will fine me... Later days...

Differences...

Despite the fact that we have been together since birth high school, Clark and I manage to be very different in some pretty major ways...  I, for one, enjoy video games and board games just fine but cannot, for the life of me, understand how anyone can get so into role playing games like D&D...  He, on the other hand, lives for his game nights with the guys...  He's pretty good at mostly eating to live, and I live to eat...  Like, I am thinking about what we're going to eat for dinner for the next couple of nights, and whether I will eat ice cream or some other snack when I watch TV tonight, as I sit here eating lunch...  It's sick, I know -- Clark tells me all the time!  The biggest thing that is killing me right now, though, is not understanding how Clark can make such a little deal out of his birthday...  I was talking to him about it over the weekend, and he assures me that he really could care less, but I am feeling guilty about the fact that he threw me such an amazing party last year and that I will not be reciprocating...  He says he would rather get a better gift, and I guess I can't fault him on that, but he got me an amazing gift too...  I am not going to spend money I don't really have to throw a party he really doesn't want...  But, somehow I still feel icky about it...  I must have asked him like 15 times, "You realize that telling me not to throw you a party means you won't get a party, right?!?  Because I am not going to go and do a surprise thing if you tell me not to, OK?!?"  He swears this is what he wants...  And it will be a hell of a lot easier for me to acquiesce...  So, why is it so damn hard to get it through my head that someone could really not want a birthday party?!?  I guess that is something that may take a bit longer to get used to... Good thing we have the rest of our lives together!  ;-)  ...  Later days...

Alive...

But extremely busy...  Summer reading at a public library is always crazy...  Staffing has been crazy this summer too, so it's been more interesting than normal...  Getting both kids up and ready for daycare is interesting to say the least...  And I always find it funny that leaving the house an hour or less before my shift means I will probably be late for work...  After daycare drop off, I have a short drive and then usually sprint through the parking lot to try and get to the Children's Room before the patrons...  After going "balls to the wall" all day at work, my ride home provides a brief break before I go back to routine insanity when I get home...  I throw my milk into the fridge and start feeding the girl some baby food while Clark makes dinner and Boogie plays on his own...  We eat dinner, and then Clark cleans up after dinner as I read to the boy while I nurse the girl...  We work together to get them both ready for bed and take a few minutes each for cuddle time...  After the kids are in bed, we work together to clean the girl's bottles, redistribute the pumped milk into the correct amounts and refill the now-clean bottles...  Then we wash my pumping bottles and gear...  By that time, I am usually ready for a snack and we settle down for an episode of LOST...  (Yes, we just started...  We realize we should have started a long time ago, and we are currently in season 2!)... Sometimes, we squeeze in some laundry folding or whatever before we turn on the laptop/TV, but I am usually sooooo done by that point that I don't even care if there is a ton of housework to be done...  As OCD as I am, I am usually too worn out to do much more than this during the day...  I sometimes feel like my day is just on repeat, but I guess that's kinda good so I can just get into a routine and go with it...  But, yeah...  That is why I haven't really been posting... Not much to post, since it's just the same stuff on a different day...  Wonder how long it will take me to get used to the "new normal," though, when Boogie starts soccer at the end of August and then again when he starts kindergarten in September?!?  Later days...

Posting...

Has taken a bit of a backseat lately...  Between work, household, and baby stuffs, I have next to no time for myself...  Consequently, I have been in a bit of a funk...  I am sure that the added stress of being a "single mom" for the week -- due to Clark's post-vasectomy recovery -- has not helped a bit...  I have been getting the kids ready in the morning, dropping them at daycare, working all day, picking them up, doing the dinner/bedtime thing, and crashing...  Clark has helped some, but he did too much on the day of the surgery and ended up hurt, so I have been reluctant to even accept his help...  He ended up having gaming night at our house last night, so I would say he must be feeling fine...  While Clark was busy with gaming stuff last night, though, I almost flipped out on Boogie for "annoying" me because I was just "done" for the week...  Not cool...  I think I need to find a little time this weekend to just sit and chill...  Maybe even just cry...  I don't know...  Hopefully the clouds will part, the funk will lift, and I will start the next week on a better note...  Here's to hoping...  Later days...

Appreciation...

It can make a huge difference in how you feel about something you have to do if you know you are appreciated for it...  Yesterday is the perfect example of that...  Clark and I have not had any time alone since the baby was born, so we decided to send the kids to daycare and go to lunch and a movie after we ran some errands together...  Well, since I am breastfeeding, the day could not just happen...  We had to plan it out so we could work around my pumping breaks...  It was not too difficult to come up with a pumping schedule when it only had to fit around my work schedule (since my boss and coworkers are so awesome and accommodating and I have an office space in which I can pump without fear of interruption), but I was not sure how things would work on a day when Clark and I were out and about...  When I have the baby with me, I just breastfeed wherever I am...  No biggie...  But, things are a bit more awkward when you have to find a place to "moo it up," as Clark and I sometimes call it...  We ended up working it out so that I would only have to pump in public one time, but then we still had to find somewhere to do it...  Where did we go?  The car...  Not the most private place ever, but I carry a shawl in my pump bag, and the back of the Olive Garden parking lot was pretty well abandoned at the time, anyhow...  Still, you're probably wondering, "How does this relate to appreciation?"  Well...  It's in the way that Clark treated this break...  He didn't sit there tapping his foot or shaking his leg impatiently while I set up (5 minutes), pumped (20 minutes), and cleaned up (another 5 minutes)...  He took this as a chance to sit and chat, while offering to help with whatever he could -- like sitting with the pump on his lap the entire time, since the car was too small to fit it in a "better" place...  And, what's more, he literally told me how happy it makes him to know that I am willing to go through all of this on a regular basis so that our daughter can be breastfed despite my choice to return to work...  He said that he is often amazed when he reflects upon the miracle of how I can keep her alive and healthy with something that comes from my own body; that he is proud to be married to a woman who is willing to make the sacrifices necessary to make herself happy and to provide so well for her children at the same time...  And, as the mom who bears the burden of sleepless nights and pumping-filled days, nothing could have made me happier than to know he feels that way AND to hear those feelings put into words without prompting...  Sure, there are days where I will complain about how men can't possibly get it, and how Clark has it so easy as a father...  I think it's only natural to gripe when you're in the midst of sleep deprivation and the stress of balancing home and work lives...  But that half hour in the car yesterday helped me to see that Clark really does get it more so than he is given credit...  And that I am so happy I chose him to be my husband and the father of my children...  Because, if nothing else, he appreciates my hard work and sacrifices while supporting the choices I make for myself and my career...  I can only hope he realizes how much that truly means to me...  [And, since he reads my blog, I am guessing this post will help a little bit to that end!]  Later days...

Worried...

Because that is what moms do best, right?!?  I have been saying, for about a month now, that it seems like BooBooGoo might have a hearing problem...  At her last doctor's appointment, the doctor asked if she turned toward us when we said her name and startled with loud noises...  I instantly answered yes, but then I started to really think about it after we left...  I mean...  There have been plenty of times when people have commented on the fact that she seems to sleep through anything...  Like another baby screaming in the crib next to hers at daycare...  And there have been times when I was surprised that she didn't cry or jump because of a loud noise... Clark was calling me paranoid for a long time, but then he said (earlier today) that he is starting to worry about her too...  The smoke alarm went off when he was cooking bacon -- and nothing...  I've tried clapping behind her or snapping near her ear...  Nada...  Then there is the fact that she doesn't seem to calm down if she's crying and I call to her from another room...  Maybe she is just pissed that I am not coming straight to her, but maybe she is unable to hear me trying to calm her down as I finish washing my hands or whatever it is I am doing...  She has another appointment in a couple of weeks, so I can talk to the doctor about it then...  Hopefully, the doctor will send her to have a hearing screening...  Giving birth at home was a really great experience, but it meant that she didn't have a hearing screening right after birth...  And it's not that I will regret having a home birth if it does turn out that BooBooGoo has a hearing problem, since it wouldn't have caused a hearing problem, but I will feel bad that we didn't have a diagnosis sooner if there does turn out to be a problem...  Gah...  Sorry I finally updated and it turned out to be such a downer...  I guess that is more what my blog is good for now...  Just a place to vent when I actually have the time...  Hope everyone is having a great Mother's Day...  Mine has been pretty good, despite the fact that I'm worried about my baby girl...  Later days...